We have been warned over and over again about terrorists and extremists. These warnings are entirely biased. They only speak of stereotype terrorists and extremists; or those who may actually be, and most probably are, good guys.
In fact, they are phantoms. They really do not exist, but were created as a hoax to distract our minds away from the real terrors. Such as, Valentine’s Day!
A dangerous spectre has been rising on the horizon of our great bastion of morality. It goes by the name of Valentine!
Valentine tempts womans to crave chocolates, pink balloons and flowers – from MANS!!!
And when mans give womans these on a day called Valentine’s Day, womans become loose characters because chocolate loosen their teeth until they (the teeth) are no more …
As you can see, brothers and sisters and sisters who became brothers, Valentine's make womans lose her natural beauty. She starts to age quickly. And then, tragedy! No one is willing to marry her. Old hag!
Shame and sadness falls on her family. She is left with just memories of an old pink balloon. And that too bursts in her face.
As responsible parents and honourable brothers of womans, you must report evil sellers of obscene Valentine’s balloons to the police. Help the government, police and the courts eliminate this terror.
But remember, it is okay for mans to make Valentine’s Day. After all, it is always gallant mans who make most noise about womans morality issues. What bravery and gallantry, indeed. Go, boys. Go forth and cleanse society of womans obscenity. Muuah!
But Valentine's is a clever, clever devil. He can tempt womans in the most clever, clever ways. So you have to become clever, clever as well.
For example, keep eye on flowers in pots. Are they sending scent in air that is making womans woozy and dreamy and craving for chocolate and romantic talk? Are they too red, too pink or too yellow?
If so, then with great manly anger, tear flowers out, throw them out with pot and set them on fire, while shouting ‘Go, Nawaz Go!’
Clever, clever, no? What a mans.
Also check womans breathing on Valentine’s Day. Is she breathing too fast or too slow? If possible, try to hold womans breath for whole Valentine’s Day.
And if she passes away because of breath-hold, well, then, she die for good cause. Clap hands.
And as good moral mans say, no womans, no cry. Meaning, no womans, no Valentine's. Only brave mans, talking about how to hold breath of weak womans and saving nation from obscenity. So, brave.
Disclaimer: This blog is categorised as satire.